"The back room's got a lot more character than most of the people that live here."
"Don't look directly into Skittles eyes. He was raised by dementors and is famed for dry humping your soul"
"I can safely say the blackened grouper fingers and scallops are the best seafood I've ever had."
"Merritt says the downstairs bed is super cumfy ; )"
"The Mayor here is a real looker"
"This house is haunted and filled with killer bees"