Dan Holmes

"Lowes has everything you need to build your own casket."

"Stop reading this and pay attention to the delicious food. Love the French toast."

"It was so good that I ate until my stomach burst. Medical emergency = awesome restaurant. Chicken Cordon blew out back trying to stand up after eating so much good food."

"This border isn't as big as the one in Texas."

"Don't get me wrong, I like White Castle, but the smell of it mixed with the stench of Terre Haute has been known to cause cancer in laboratory rats."

"You don't understand how many porcelain statues, bottle rockets, and cured hams it takes to make a road trip complete, but Boomland does."