"Head the jukebox as soon as you get there and load it up with tunes; otherwise you can expect horrible music blaring most the time."
"Personal training to fit your body and your lifestyle, outstanding results."
"If you think you're getting seriously ill don't even bother coming here. Its normally booked a week or so ahead and Dr. Gonzalez will only spend about 5 seconds actually doing his job."
"Slavistics (vampire class) and ancient sports and spectacles are awesome dual credit courses; take them if you wanna avoid graduating late!"
"This place is sooooooooo creepy, its covered in stray cats!!!"