"The espresso here is unreasonably fantastic."
"Extremely tired. Broken mirrors, mouldy ceiling tiles. Corporate: time to spend some money. This location is embarrassing."
"Fabulous butcher shop. Check out the turkey burgers."
"Buy a beer that tastes like it recently left a horse. Hardly get any change back from a $20. What could be better?"
"I had the hottest thing on the menu: 1/2 pound of Blackenstein wings. Ate them all. My mouth will never be the same."