"Best criss-crossing trails in the land! Good for runs or dogs, or running dogs!"
"If you bring children, make sure you line up a ride home. Everyone here will be too drunk to drive..even the next day."
"Eat drink and be hairy!"
"If you plan on falling asleep here, bring a toothbrush to scrub the red wine stains from your teeth!"
"Best cuts in town! With friendly barbers and a swanky storefront to boot!"