"Don't rob this house or you will be attacked by my husbands "Wolverine toe nails"."
"Keep your eyes peeled for black jujees. Somehow they end up everywhere: drinking glass, candle holders, all over the counters, beware."
"Don't go in the bathroom after John Koss has gone in for an extended period of time."
"Cobb salad... So good :)"
"Use the bathroom before you leave your house :)"