"There's a neat little secret space between the bed and the wall which is very good for hiding candy or a small mammal or something like that."
"There's an IPhone charger always plugged into the outlet by the bed if you need to charge up."
"The pipes in the room make noise at night. Don't worry. That watery sound you hear isn't a scary monster peeing in the corner."
"Disney channel plays all night, every night. Just so you know. The primary resident of the room can't sleep without shitty children's television programs."
"It's always toasty in here. Don't dress too warmly for your visit."
"There are 22 Harry Potter items in the room."