Cosmo Kramer

"Come for the air travel, stay for the tender caress of a lonely TSA Agent."

"The grilled chicken sandwich with bacon, cheese, mayo and pesto was pretty good."

"What is this, SAW? Do you want to play a game? Here, wipe your ass with this sandpaper. Why do hotels insist on using this shit? Don't they realize people would use less if they got real toilet paper?"

"The "Turkey Bacon Bravo" sandwich only has two slices of bacon. Shame on you for even mentioning bacon in the name of the sandwich, Panera Bread."

"Please leave your pride at the door and strip naked for your convenience and security."

"Don't forget to check in on 4sq before checking in here for low-low rates during your stay. Oh, sorry. All your shit was vouchered before your arrival, so your phone is with the property clerk. My bad"