Laurence Barber

"If the school kids get in your way, just knock them to the ground. It's character-building."

"Avoid after 3.30pm on weekdays, when the school children start to swarm around here like barely pubescent locusts."

"If you miss the 139, jump on the next 130 or 140 to Griffith University busway and wait for a 169."

"During peak hour, it is simply referred to as 'Centre' because all culture and civility is lost."

"The phone reception in this building, particularly the lower level, is poor. If you're expecting an important call, let the caller know."

"Check out the chocolate aisle, there are usually some delicious/fattening deals on!"