Bilbo Baggins

"The cold brew is basically a cup full of ice water. They're also the only cafe in the neighborhood to charge tax, so a $4.36 cup old cold, refreshing water is a bit too steep for this Hobbit."

"Three and a half hour wait for delivery of cold, tasteless food. I could have been to Mordor and back in that time! Won't be getting my business again anytime soon. Back to the Prancing Pony it is."