David Stafford

"Do not come in thirty minutes till close and expect to be waited on hand and foot. It just makes you look like an asshole."

"Watch out for trolls."

"Watch out for the randomly spawned chasms."

"Pickle chips are very tasty."

"Do not sit anywhere near the sororities unless want to hear obnoxious girls being loud."

"Don't tickle the dogie booty."