Matt Zwiesler

"Microwaves suck because the Scrubs workers break them every few weeks overnight."

"Get the brown rice. Much healthier and still cilantro-lime!"

"Unless your name is Josh and you root for University of Michigan, you're probably not welcome here!"

"Make sure you have a good, strong, think steel lock in the men's locker room. I just had my small TSA baggage lock cut off or broken off and my cash stolen out of my wallet...ridiculous."