J.j. Loneman

"There's no way to dry your car."

"I've never seen a bigger collection of hipster consumerist victims than at the apple store."

"Target has the most innovative and functional shopping baskets. It's actually so incredible that I want to shop here so much more often."

"Foursquare users get a 10% discount just by checking in! The mayor gets 20%!"

"If god wanted people to die, he created this restaurant for a reason. Raising Cane's is every american's heaven."

"The cashier, Cameron, is one of the friendliest, altruistic, most helpful employees. My shopping experience here is always pleasant."